there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
