then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
