You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
