No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
