Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
