He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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