Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
