I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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