His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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