at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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