If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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