I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
