Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
