what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
