you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
