this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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