so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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