But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
