ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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