Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
