And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
