There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
