Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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