rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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