I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
