So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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