Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
