I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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