Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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