Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
