Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
