I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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