He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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