Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize