Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
