A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
