I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
