...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
