No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
