The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
