will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
