need another drink. this is the easiest way
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
