This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
