Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
