I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
