I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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