bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
