Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
