there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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