I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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