capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
