it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
