I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
