I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
