The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize