I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
