I love black thongs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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