you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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