If i come over, it means nothing
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
