Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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