mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
false alarm, still single
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
