So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
