I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
