i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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