Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
