I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
