You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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