i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Screwed.edu
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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