I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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